Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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