I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
