so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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