Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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