I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
