How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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