I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
