So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
