no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
