YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
someone owes me an orgasm
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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