"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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