I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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