my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
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