just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
