Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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