I heard we made out
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
