i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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