Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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