I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
