and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
