I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
