I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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