youre lurking in front of me
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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