If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
