I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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