Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
