Can i not drive my cunt home
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
