I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
