I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
