Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
