I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize