I skipped work to stalk him.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
