me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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