so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
