I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
