Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
