I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Text me some of your sweat
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
