I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
