Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
