how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
