She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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