I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
