Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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