Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
