I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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