I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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