He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
