We need to rekindle our bromance
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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