Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
