yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
