I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
