that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
