I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
