I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
