Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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