i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize