Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
