Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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