I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
if only i could text you this smell
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
