Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
