I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
