i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize