I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
