And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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