I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
